How Birth Order Shapes Your Marriage

When you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye, do you understand why?

According to Dr. Kevin Leman, a common reason most couples overlook is birth order. That little boy, that little girl that you once were, you still are. Your birth order influences how you see relationships and, therefore, your marriage.

Birth order is the dynamic relationship that exists between a parent and a child and between a child and his or her siblings.

For example, the first born is typically reliable and conscientious. They are leaders who are organized and thoughtful but don’t like surprises. They are model children who have a strong need for approval from those in charge.

Middle children tend to feel overshadowed. Middle children are usually less driven than their older sibling. They’re good listeners, good negotiators and good peacemakers.

The youngest seek attention and like to be cared for. They are more willing to live out their unique personality and embrace their position in the family.

As we get older, we think we change, but we take these unique characteristics into our adult relationships, particularly marriage.

Jean and I have read Dr. Leman’s book The Birth Order Book a couple of times. It’s not one-size-fits-all, but it is amazingly accurate. He coaches couples to discover how understanding each other’s birth order traits can help them better navigate their relationship dynamics, which fosters empathy and balance in their marriage.

I’m talking with Dr. Kevin Leman on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, to explain how birth order is predictive of patterns of behavior for how we treat people.

Listen to our full conversation on your local radio station, online, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or listen on our free phone app.